Growing up, playing house is one of the all-time playtime favorites. It gives us the opportunity to be a mother and a spouse. Looking back, it may have been one of our first experiences and projections of how we would be in relationships. However, buried in the innocence of it all, we may have projected toxic behaviors that were brought and acted out in our romantic relationships. We often laugh about toxic behavior but have you considered that you may have some of the tendencies. How would you know if you’re slowly becoming a toxic girlfriend?
Toxic girlfriends are almost always portrayed by the media as antagonistic and at a point of no return. Their behaviors are often laughed at, but these behaviors are more real and more common in real life. Here are some telltale signs that you’re exhibiting toxic behaviors.
As one enters into a relationship, one learns to depend and trust on their partners that they will deliver as much, or more, than they ever do. If one fails to understand, they trust that their partner will exert effort to let them understand. It’s a game of giving and taking to maintain a healthy relationship.
However, it takes a sour turn when one receives and receives without giving. If at some point in your relationship, you have become overly dependent on your partner, then you might have been displaying toxic behavior. Being overly dependent on your partner means that you refuse to do things on your own, things that you have done perfectly before the relationship. Some people might find this cute, but it’s an act of immaturity. Depending on your partner to do all things for you robs them the freedom to do things on their own.
If you’re doing, now is the perfect time to stop and detach yourself from your partner. Being overly dependent on your partner also affects your individuality and standing on your own. Being in a relationship doesn’t limit your growth as an individual, rather, it encourages it.
Follows Double Standards
If you find yourself always policing your partner’s actions and not noticing your own, then you’re actually enforcing some double standards in your relationship. Your partner isn’t allowed to have night outs, but you can? Double standards. Your partner isn’t allowed to go through your phone, but you can? Double standards and multiple layers of toxic behavior.
Sure, you can lay some ground rules for your relationship to work better but these rules must apply to both of you. If you are exempted from complying with your own rules, then you are just enforcing your policies to your partner. Not following your own rules screams unfairness and inequality in the relationship, which you should be fighting against.
Evaluate your past decisions and actions, are you being fair? Is your partner being fair?
Another sign that you’re becoming a toxic girlfriend is when everything that comes out of your mouth is criticism—and not the good kind. Criticism is necessary in building a stronger, more stable relationship, but these are the criticisms that are constructive and helpful. When almost all your conversations include unnecessary criticisms and comments about your partner’s life that they can’t change, then you’re creating an unhealthy environment for them.
Maybe you’ll think that you can’t control what you say, or it’s just the way you talk. That may be true, but consider your partner’s feelings towards the words you release. Instead of helping them feel better, your words may be the last blow that pushes in the nails. Moreover, try putting yourself in their shoes. Would you like to be the receiving end of countless criticisms? Obviously not. No one wants that for themselves.
Always, always think first before you speak.
No Respect for Privacy
This is the common depiction of the media when it comes to portraying toxic girlfriends. The never-ending urge to go through their partner’s phone and social media. The insistent demand of sharing passwords. For this element, they were able to capture it perfectly. There are times when we experience bouts of jealousy, and that’s totally normal. However, the ways of how we handle these emotions often go overboard.
Personal privacy is necessary for any type of relationship, especially in a romantic one. In a romantic relationship, you are both individuals who voluntarily choose to live a life together with lives and decisions intertwined. Respecting personal preferences and boundaries let you both keep your identities outside your relationship.
You are your own person before, during, and after your relationship.
Always Needs to Have her Way
Spoiled attitude while in a relationship is top-tier toxic girlfriend behavior. Spoiled and bratty attitude exhibits toxic behavior, in general. In relationships, if you demand to always have your way, disregarding the wants of your partner, are you really in a romantic relationship? Relationships are supposed to master the art of give and take. Not take, take, and take.
It usually starts with the little things, you always need to watch your favorite movies, you always insist on going to your favorite restaurants. Everything you do as a couple should always be according to your preferences. How about the likes and dislikes of your partner? Don’t they matter at all.
Always forcing your decisions belittles the preferences of your partner, making it seem that their likes don’t matter as much as yours. If you’re starting to notice that you’re exhibiting this kind of behavior in the smallest matters, correct it immediately.
Has Selfish Views on Happiness
In romance novels, the protagonist often stares at the face of their partner during their happiest moments and their hearts fill with happiness and pride. However, toxic behavior does not welcome that experience. Toxic girlfriends do not take into heart what makes their partner’s happiness. What’s important for them is their own happiness according to their own terms, and not their partner’s.
Sharing and compromising is essential in relationships. This does not only mean sharing material things, it also includes sharing sources of happiness. Compromises are also necessary to make the relationship stronger.
A little jealousy here and there doesn’t hurt. In fact, it may even be an opportunity to know your partner better and figure out how to deal with the relationship in more mature methods. However, it is an entirely different story when your girlfriend begins to forbid any interaction with any female. This type of jealousy is often disguised as “Of course I trust you, I don’t trust her.” If you think there’s a fine line between those two thoughts, take time to evaluate your decisions.
Females with this kind of behavior often question every interaction their partner has with every female. Telling them to distance from their other female friends is also a common occurrence. They easily jump to cheating conclusions when they see their boyfriends chatting with female friends. It seems like they want to be the only female present in their partner’s life. If that isn’t toxic enough, then I don’t know what is.
“I’ll cry if you won’t accompany me today”, “I’ll sulk in my room if you don’t bring me food”. These are the common lines of toxic girlfriends who use their emotions as weapons. They do this to make their partners do favors for them at their whim. Good partners, in general, do things within their partner to make their partner happy and content. Toxic partners, on the other hand, take advantage of this fact.
What others often overlook is that this is a form of emotional manipulation. Each denial was replaced with emotional consequences. From something as little as sulking or crying, it can easily advance to something more dangerous like inflicting self-harm and something similar. Regardless if you are in a relationship or not, emotional manipulation is a toxic and unnecessary behavior.
Does Not Admit to Faults
The constant denial of one’s faults is another form of toxic behavior. We all commit mistakes! It’s not something shameful. It’s part of the learning process that we all go through. And when in relationships, it’s even more important to own up our mistakes because a lot of things are at stake, including the relationship itself.
Toxic girlfriends often have the mentality that they can do no wrong in their relationships. As a matter of fact, when something goes wrong they are always the victims. They are the types who will do anything in their power just to avoid admitting their mistakes. Some will even go as far as pointing fingers, lifting the responsibility of their actions away from their shoulders and giving it to an unsuspecting someone.
Measures Love by Comparison
One of the most hurtful things that you can do while in a relationship, aside from cheating, is to measure your partner’s love. And to make matters worse, you compare their love to another. This measurement and comparison may not be said outright, it is often injected into anecdotes of someone else’s romantic relations and how girls in movies are so lucky because their fictional boyfriends do all sorts of grand romantic gestures for them.
How can one measure love even? Each person has a unique way of expressing them, so measuring their expression according to your metrics is already unfair. Expressing your distaste for their expression adds salt to the wound.
Sometimes, we also compare our partner’s love to our ideals about perfect relationships. And there are moments when we wish that these ideals come to life, but they are ideals for a reason. It’s better to look ahead and focus on how your partner expresses their love. Sometimes, your grand ideals and pictures of love seem smaller next to what your partner can give you because it’s real, and it’s there to stay.
Toxic behaviors start from the littlest things that are tossed aside. The doer thinks that it’s acceptable because of the lack of reprimand. The other thinks that it will solve itself. As time runs, that little behavior starts to take root and grow like weeds that will eventually pester your relationship. It’s better to recognize its onset and cut it off immediately.
Healthy relationships are a constant dance of giving and receiving. On the other end of the spectrum, toxic relationships demands and takes. It is also often unforgiving. If you don’t want your relationship to turn sour and end on bad terms, check on the behaviors you exhibit. Are you growing in your relationship? Or are you beginning to demand more and becoming a toxic girlfriend?